The Dark Truth of Depression

The other night I found out that Robin Williams had passed on. He was open and honest about his struggles with depression. It makes me think of my random spirals. I haven't been there in a little while but it isn't fun when you are there. When I'm there I realize that logically, some of those things swirling about in my brain are ludicrous but it doesn't stop those thoughts from occurring. You have to be strong enough that if you are feeling like this to reach out and get help from someone. That has never been one of my strengths. I like being there for others but I never want others to feel I am imposing on them.

I also realize that there are many people that would want me to reach out to them if I was feeling this way but upon reflection there are very few people that I would confide in to that level. The people that I've chosen to claim forever regardless of what else in life happens are very few. I love them so much. I love them more than myself. In most cases, I could stop myself from going too far down the crazy spiral because I wouldn't want to do that to them. Regardless of how I feel, I couldn't ever do that to them. It does cause me slight worry about what would I be if they weren't about. I am also bothered by the fact that I don't want to cause them any stress or worry on my part so, sometimes I would rather just leave these important things unsaid. It is a serious problem. One I work on overcoming. Perhaps it is all okay as long as we keep puttering on.

Bill Withers - Lean on Me

In Good Will Hunting, Sean Maguire (Robin William's character) said "You don't know about real loss because it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much."
I think that many people do try to avoid loving that much. But it's part of the fabric of my being. When you have people that are so incredible and you've had the fortune to know them... why wouldn't you love them with everything you have got?

Additional reading:
Risk Factors and Warning Signs of Suicide
Let's Not Call Suicide Selfish