I've been thinking a lot lately and wondering where my abounding confidence I had as a child has gone. My best friend mentioned that he believes there is a certain amount of us is strong as a child because of our naivety. After considering this, I believe he is correct. As I child I had utter faith in humanity, because why shouldn't I? Sure people did shitty things, though I thought they must have made a mistake or were just horrid people. It takes a new level of comprehension and decision to decide that you are going to have abounding confidence as an adult. I feel like I'm not really as naive anymore. I know more about the world than I sometimes wish I did. In a way, accepting the world and still maintaining to be yourself regardless of everyone and everything else, as an adult, is a feat one should be proud of. Even though I have finally come to a place of knowledge, I still wish the world could be everything I dream it is or could be. A place in where people could be content and joyous for others finding, discovering, and being themselves. But yet there are so many lovely people I have met who have such open mind's and hearts that it's easy to see what greatness the world could amount to. In surrounding myself with wonderful people, I came upon the realization that somewhere along the way I lost myself. In a glorious way, I have emerged from this lost forgotten place and embraced myself and the person I am. I eagerly anticipate the journey ahead of me.
Sometimes I feel that journey should be when I embrace my hermit-dom. I get the feels too much. I care too much. These are things that I've been told countless times and they are true every time. There can be benefits to caring, but sometimes it just feels like a burden. I'm a burden. I don't mean to be a burden or feel like I'm being a burden, I just do. I feel like I'm complicated when all I want is simplicity. Perhaps it is simple, but I don't get it correctly. I have issues. I have faith and doubt in myself swirling about at the same time. I'm just going to choose the faith and hope for the best. Maybe I will embrace myself fully every day in the future, but for now, I'll feel my way to knowledge and understanding and acceptance.
